Morning sex.
Warning: This is sexual in nature. If you have virgin eyes or a problem touching yourself, you might want to skip ahead to other boring blogs of mine including my buddy's funny poo story
alright, I warned ya. Taken from an actual conversation had lastnight on AIM.
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Anonymous female from NY: why do guys think it's hot when girls squirt?
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You know I'm taking this question and running with it, and probably bringing up a lot of "somewhat related but where the hell did he come up with this from that" kinda thing. Run with me.
The answer is simple. Proof of orgasm. Unfortunately for some, it is a conquest men can go many many years looking for. Sort of like the Holy Grail, but without the Knights who say Neep. Think about all the tricks women deal with. In order to keep a man satisfied, they will actually fake their own satisfaction. Amazing, the dedication (and frustration) some will go through. So guys are taught early on what signs to look for. Oh it must be her legs shaking, hips moving, the way the sound changes that comes out of her mouth. It's all about the thighs squeezing, how flush she gets around the chest, or the way she begins to arch her back. Sorry men, whatever we have to give, they can fake. Easily. Why? You are boring in bed and she is amazed you lasted longer than 9 minutes but now she wants to go to bed, because she has about as much chance of getting off as you have a chance at getting with Jenna Jameson.
So in this world of confusion, what better way to say "I know she had an orgasm" than some hard proof. That hard proof is wet and kinda strange and I believe the statistic was around 2% of women can git er done. Others can be taught, I guess it's like a superpower to some. Me, personally, I'm on the fence. I think it would be fun to see in person. But the mess, my poor sheets. I imagine the aftermath is frigtening. I guess it seems more like an activity for pornography, so that men everywhere, can go to sleep at night praying that God will bring them a woman who can show you she's getting off like a fire hydrant.
On a related topic, recent studies by men and women in labcoats, probably in Germany, have decided the female orgasm has absolutely no evolutionary purpose. Now before you all jump on me and stab my eyes out, hold on... think about it. Granted, it causes you to enjoy sex and blah blah alright, I get your lame counter argument. Unfortunately evolution doesn't give a shit about what we enjoy. Some people probably liked our tails too, but evolution decided nah on that one. Evolution gives a damn about us continuing on, I guess. And women, believe it or not, can procreate without an orgasm. I am waiting for your 2nd argument- well Dane, isn't it true that male orgasm and ejaculation aren't the same thing? Sure, to the .9% of men who took 3 months of studying tantric sex and now can have it so long she can fall asleep and get a full nights rest, wake up, and he's still going. Amazing.
I guess my only question is, why doesn't evolution fuck up again and give men the shot at multiple orgasms?
On a somewhat related note, the topic of egg donating came up around a few of my buddies and his sister's friends. 8 G's is a lot for an egg you would think, but it is quite the procedure to get that little guy out of your system. So, as I say that, a WOMAN, sitting next to me, says, "they don't just give you a cup and you go do your thing, kinda like men?"
I'll give you time to soak that up
time is up.
I thought she was joking at first, I had to laugh. Hard. Then my diaphragm started to hurt and I realized she was gazing at me with a blank, inquisitive stare. That's when I knew we were all in trouble. There's no way this WOMAN, CARRYING EGGS, could honestly think that? Right?? PLEASE??? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL ME IT'S A JOKE NOW?
nope.
Let's picture that scenario briefly. I like to call it, the end of man as we know it. Women are already fed up with us enough as it is. If they ever, ever found a way to continue our species without the need for intercourse, we would be kaput. Put into camps and used for our sperm. Relationships would change completely. Okay hunny, I laid my egg, go jerk off on it I'm going to bed.
God no, it's like a bad, bad dream.
But the fact she was serious, that was kind of like a nightmare.
alright, I warned ya. Taken from an actual conversation had lastnight on AIM.
========================
Anonymous female from NY: why do guys think it's hot when girls squirt?
========================
You know I'm taking this question and running with it, and probably bringing up a lot of "somewhat related but where the hell did he come up with this from that" kinda thing. Run with me.
The answer is simple. Proof of orgasm. Unfortunately for some, it is a conquest men can go many many years looking for. Sort of like the Holy Grail, but without the Knights who say Neep. Think about all the tricks women deal with. In order to keep a man satisfied, they will actually fake their own satisfaction. Amazing, the dedication (and frustration) some will go through. So guys are taught early on what signs to look for. Oh it must be her legs shaking, hips moving, the way the sound changes that comes out of her mouth. It's all about the thighs squeezing, how flush she gets around the chest, or the way she begins to arch her back. Sorry men, whatever we have to give, they can fake. Easily. Why? You are boring in bed and she is amazed you lasted longer than 9 minutes but now she wants to go to bed, because she has about as much chance of getting off as you have a chance at getting with Jenna Jameson.
So in this world of confusion, what better way to say "I know she had an orgasm" than some hard proof. That hard proof is wet and kinda strange and I believe the statistic was around 2% of women can git er done. Others can be taught, I guess it's like a superpower to some. Me, personally, I'm on the fence. I think it would be fun to see in person. But the mess, my poor sheets. I imagine the aftermath is frigtening. I guess it seems more like an activity for pornography, so that men everywhere, can go to sleep at night praying that God will bring them a woman who can show you she's getting off like a fire hydrant.
On a related topic, recent studies by men and women in labcoats, probably in Germany, have decided the female orgasm has absolutely no evolutionary purpose. Now before you all jump on me and stab my eyes out, hold on... think about it. Granted, it causes you to enjoy sex and blah blah alright, I get your lame counter argument. Unfortunately evolution doesn't give a shit about what we enjoy. Some people probably liked our tails too, but evolution decided nah on that one. Evolution gives a damn about us continuing on, I guess. And women, believe it or not, can procreate without an orgasm. I am waiting for your 2nd argument- well Dane, isn't it true that male orgasm and ejaculation aren't the same thing? Sure, to the .9% of men who took 3 months of studying tantric sex and now can have it so long she can fall asleep and get a full nights rest, wake up, and he's still going. Amazing.
I guess my only question is, why doesn't evolution fuck up again and give men the shot at multiple orgasms?
On a somewhat related note, the topic of egg donating came up around a few of my buddies and his sister's friends. 8 G's is a lot for an egg you would think, but it is quite the procedure to get that little guy out of your system. So, as I say that, a WOMAN, sitting next to me, says, "they don't just give you a cup and you go do your thing, kinda like men?"
I'll give you time to soak that up
time is up.
I thought she was joking at first, I had to laugh. Hard. Then my diaphragm started to hurt and I realized she was gazing at me with a blank, inquisitive stare. That's when I knew we were all in trouble. There's no way this WOMAN, CARRYING EGGS, could honestly think that? Right?? PLEASE??? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL ME IT'S A JOKE NOW?
nope.
Let's picture that scenario briefly. I like to call it, the end of man as we know it. Women are already fed up with us enough as it is. If they ever, ever found a way to continue our species without the need for intercourse, we would be kaput. Put into camps and used for our sperm. Relationships would change completely. Okay hunny, I laid my egg, go jerk off on it I'm going to bed.
God no, it's like a bad, bad dream.
But the fact she was serious, that was kind of like a nightmare.
posted by official dynasty at
11:35 AM
3 Comments:
Oh Dane,
I must say...well put these blogs have been amusing me but really...although it seems discusting I don't think I would have asked you that question but some women just need to know....if I think of an obscure question I'll be sure to send it your way...but as for so far...you're doing an excellent job of answering questions that no one wants to ask....
~AK
Life's mystery revealed . . .
~ As far as the faking of an orgasm goes . . . the one sure fire way to know (unless she's a squirter)is to kiss her at the time of climax. When someone has an orgasm, the tip of their tongue becomes ice cold because all the blood rushes away from it. It's pretty cool actually, try it!
I read somewhere that during orgasm, the contractions dip the cervix down and helps to sort of 'suck up the semen'. Obviously, female orgasm is not entirely necessary for procreation but there may be a bit more to it.
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