Why planes are irritating.
Hopefully most of you are somewhat current as far as transportation is concerned, and you take flights to different places. Then you will have a slight understanding of what I have to say. Getting to the airport is never fun. If you want to drive there you are stuck paying out the ass for PARKING. PARKING YOUR CAR!
I was thinking about that today. Suppose the airport were really really nice, and only charged 10 bucks a day for long term parking.
Multiply that by 500 spots, for example, filled every day of the year. Carry the one, save the spot for 0, grab your abacus, ask an Asian
That is a lot of fucking money. And they can charge whatever they want, and they know people will have to pay. Rat bastards.
So I stick it to the man by arranging my own transportation. But then I always wind up sticking it to myself. Finding a ride to the train station is never the problem. It's finding a ride home. And better yet, traversing NYC with only a faint idea of the subway system and carrying my luggage. Like I said, normally, the ride back is non existent or last minute stress scramble. Such as posting your phone number on a message board and begging people to call you. That's pretty desperate, and also asking for lots of calls from Private numbers or Restricted numbers, you sketchy bastards!
Next comes the seating. I have no problem with security or anything else going on in there before I get to the plane. More power to this country for keeping strict guidelines, even if getting half naked and redressing each time is a bitch, at least I haven't blown up.
Normally I will fly with one other person. At times there are 2, 3, 4 more, but unless you book 5 months in advance, it is nearly impossible to even find 3 seats in a row. And what does that mean? Stranger. And normally the worst case ever. The habitual bathroom user, complainer, snorer, arm rest hog. Cell phone talker, window shade abusing, A/C and light hater or lover, etc. The list can go on forever. But chances are the person you don't know, squished all up on your ass for the next 5 hours, is going to smell or drool or hate you or hate life. So snuggle up.
This happened on my plane ride home today. The other fun part is to guess which person you will be stuck with before you even get on the plane. Then if you rush to your seat you can sit down and play the same game. It's all in the eyes people, look at where they are staring and you will know.
So I get stuck next to a large woman. She was quiet, at first. No obnoxious cell phone conversations, and she didn't get up once the entire time. I was impressed. Almost as impressed as I was with the Rabbi who flew out and sat next to my buddy. This guy sucked down 2 cokes, a tomato juice (yes he ordered them at the same time) and 2 waters, and did not even flinch. 6 hours, no pee. THAT, is skill. Why he brought a trash bag full of empty cans on the airplane, I cannot answer. But his bladder is a sponge. Shalom.
Back to the quiet girl. I got scared when she began clipping her finger nails. Let's be serious, that is absolutely disgusting. What if one landed on me or took out an eye or something? Uncool. Then she fell asleep, phew, thank God. Ironically and stereotypically enough, watching the TV Food Network. Visions of sugarplums danced in her head.
She snored louder than a chainsaw.
And not just your regular snore. Like her head was tilted back so it involved all the gasping and choking noises you would expect from a fat snoring person. Couple this with the fact it's already 11pm PST (1am EST) and I'm running on 4 hours sleep average for the vacation and knowing I will be arriving in 32 degree New York weather. Anyone else feeling the love? It gets better.
JetBlue carries Direct TV. That's hot. What isn't hot, is not being able to fall asleep, watching Cops in New Jersey and I also memorized the entire Sportscenter broadcast.
On top of the snoring, she began to hog the armrest. Not just any armrest, the one where the controls for the TV are. So now I am really stuck with only ESPN. And she began to jab me, and continue to snore. I glanced over at my friend passed out next to me and contemplated strangling him.
On the bright side, she didn't smell.
The plane ride out there had way more potential to be an absolute disaster. At last count there were 17 babies and 2 little hot dogs that began barking as we were loading the plane. I was hoping they would throw them below with all the suitcases, who travels like that with their little angry shitty dogs? Amazingly, not one made a noise. That ride was pleasant, this ride was hell. Can't win em all I guess.
I was thinking about that today. Suppose the airport were really really nice, and only charged 10 bucks a day for long term parking.
Multiply that by 500 spots, for example, filled every day of the year. Carry the one, save the spot for 0, grab your abacus, ask an Asian
That is a lot of fucking money. And they can charge whatever they want, and they know people will have to pay. Rat bastards.
So I stick it to the man by arranging my own transportation. But then I always wind up sticking it to myself. Finding a ride to the train station is never the problem. It's finding a ride home. And better yet, traversing NYC with only a faint idea of the subway system and carrying my luggage. Like I said, normally, the ride back is non existent or last minute stress scramble. Such as posting your phone number on a message board and begging people to call you. That's pretty desperate, and also asking for lots of calls from Private numbers or Restricted numbers, you sketchy bastards!
Next comes the seating. I have no problem with security or anything else going on in there before I get to the plane. More power to this country for keeping strict guidelines, even if getting half naked and redressing each time is a bitch, at least I haven't blown up.
Normally I will fly with one other person. At times there are 2, 3, 4 more, but unless you book 5 months in advance, it is nearly impossible to even find 3 seats in a row. And what does that mean? Stranger. And normally the worst case ever. The habitual bathroom user, complainer, snorer, arm rest hog. Cell phone talker, window shade abusing, A/C and light hater or lover, etc. The list can go on forever. But chances are the person you don't know, squished all up on your ass for the next 5 hours, is going to smell or drool or hate you or hate life. So snuggle up.
This happened on my plane ride home today. The other fun part is to guess which person you will be stuck with before you even get on the plane. Then if you rush to your seat you can sit down and play the same game. It's all in the eyes people, look at where they are staring and you will know.
So I get stuck next to a large woman. She was quiet, at first. No obnoxious cell phone conversations, and she didn't get up once the entire time. I was impressed. Almost as impressed as I was with the Rabbi who flew out and sat next to my buddy. This guy sucked down 2 cokes, a tomato juice (yes he ordered them at the same time) and 2 waters, and did not even flinch. 6 hours, no pee. THAT, is skill. Why he brought a trash bag full of empty cans on the airplane, I cannot answer. But his bladder is a sponge. Shalom.
Back to the quiet girl. I got scared when she began clipping her finger nails. Let's be serious, that is absolutely disgusting. What if one landed on me or took out an eye or something? Uncool. Then she fell asleep, phew, thank God. Ironically and stereotypically enough, watching the TV Food Network. Visions of sugarplums danced in her head.
She snored louder than a chainsaw.
And not just your regular snore. Like her head was tilted back so it involved all the gasping and choking noises you would expect from a fat snoring person. Couple this with the fact it's already 11pm PST (1am EST) and I'm running on 4 hours sleep average for the vacation and knowing I will be arriving in 32 degree New York weather. Anyone else feeling the love? It gets better.
JetBlue carries Direct TV. That's hot. What isn't hot, is not being able to fall asleep, watching Cops in New Jersey and I also memorized the entire Sportscenter broadcast.
On top of the snoring, she began to hog the armrest. Not just any armrest, the one where the controls for the TV are. So now I am really stuck with only ESPN. And she began to jab me, and continue to snore. I glanced over at my friend passed out next to me and contemplated strangling him.
On the bright side, she didn't smell.
The plane ride out there had way more potential to be an absolute disaster. At last count there were 17 babies and 2 little hot dogs that began barking as we were loading the plane. I was hoping they would throw them below with all the suitcases, who travels like that with their little angry shitty dogs? Amazingly, not one made a noise. That ride was pleasant, this ride was hell. Can't win em all I guess.
posted by official dynasty at
12:19 PM
1 Comments:
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