Male friends, female friends.
There is a HUGE, HUGE difference, between men and their friends, and women and their friends, in a dating environment. The main difference, of course, is that women friends are always (always always always) cock blocks. Without fail. Male friends, however, are vagina promoters. Please note this is obviously purely a heterosexual based post. Back to the story.
Women in groups. There is always one friend that wants to leave. Why? Cause one thought she could drink more than any other man (she was wrong). Or one finally realized she is the ugly one, and no guy is trying to play with her boobies, beer goggles and all. Or, one has a boyfriend and you don't really know why you take her out anyway, cause she just keeps you from getting laid. But there are always reasons. One might be in a certain mood, where she hates all men and only agreed to hang out so she could plot the death of the penis, and now she is content. The point is, no matter what the situation, there is always one loser, one enormous cockblock, one girl from the group, keeping everyone from getting their dicks wet.
Just one you say? That's why God made cloroform! Sadly, no. And the worst part of it all is, even if there are 17 of them, they all packed into one car. Why? When one wants to leave, they all leave. It's almost like a failsafe women have in place, so they know they won't make a dumb mistake if they get too drunk. Damn you women, damn you.
On the flipside, there is the group of men. Each one wants to get some, which leads to some natural competition. The most obvious, is when the females are either uninterested, not drunk enough, or undecided themselves. When that happens, it becomes a match- survival of the fittest. You think I have never spent a night drinking until 5AM to see which guy calls it quits? One down, three to go. My odds just increased greatly. It's funny to watch, as an outsider. On the inside, terrible, constant pressure.
-Okay, what to say now, what do I drink?
-Am I drunk?
-Is she drunk?
-Did that one just rub her thighs and wink at me?
-Oh shit I can see her titty right through that shirt!
-I just saw Justin yawn- he must be close
-Damnit Larry stop talking to her, that was the one I wanted!
-Johnny is way too drunk to get laid, that narrows it down.
Funny internal dialogues, let me tell you. If only we could get a microphone inside the male brain for these interactions, it would be priceless. Luckily, being a male, I can get you there. And ladies, I'm sure you see it, and laugh amongst yourselves the next day. Especially when you aren't interested at all and just staying up because you're drunk and love leading guys on.
-OMG Becky did you see the one that kept passing out but waking up and trying to cuddle with me? AS IF!
- TOTALLY! I kinda wanted Billy but he got too drunk and went home to masturbate, it's a shame.
And I'm sure other things related to that are also said. But the point is, we have two very different schools of thought here. That last situation applies normally when there are less females than there are men, which does tend to twindle as the night goes on. If there are even numbers, or even more, it is occasional that dibs might be called, and males will incessantly egg others on, and give pounds (dap) behind women's backs each time something good happens, or is going to happen. It's just the way we are. And I guess it's just the way you are.
But honestly, can you chill with the unnecessary cockblocking? It is the reason we men hate going alone to hang out with a group of you, when we are only interested in one. It is the reason we always try to even things out of the group environment is necessary, and it's also the reason we love to hang out one on one.
The idea is, men love to play wingman. We will go out of our way, just to help out a friend. We will take a bullet (see, paper bag, butter face, chunky monkey) in order to make you happy. Cause in the end, we know we will wind up calling on you, for the same thing, at a later date. And if you happen to say no, we will kindly remind you of waking up in sheer terror at the sight of that thing next to us with makeup removed and hair extensions taken out.
Women on the other hand, don't always believe in taking a bullet. Why? Because you are all inherently bitchy and hate to think that you had to "settle". TRUE
Women in groups. There is always one friend that wants to leave. Why? Cause one thought she could drink more than any other man (she was wrong). Or one finally realized she is the ugly one, and no guy is trying to play with her boobies, beer goggles and all. Or, one has a boyfriend and you don't really know why you take her out anyway, cause she just keeps you from getting laid. But there are always reasons. One might be in a certain mood, where she hates all men and only agreed to hang out so she could plot the death of the penis, and now she is content. The point is, no matter what the situation, there is always one loser, one enormous cockblock, one girl from the group, keeping everyone from getting their dicks wet.
Just one you say? That's why God made cloroform! Sadly, no. And the worst part of it all is, even if there are 17 of them, they all packed into one car. Why? When one wants to leave, they all leave. It's almost like a failsafe women have in place, so they know they won't make a dumb mistake if they get too drunk. Damn you women, damn you.
On the flipside, there is the group of men. Each one wants to get some, which leads to some natural competition. The most obvious, is when the females are either uninterested, not drunk enough, or undecided themselves. When that happens, it becomes a match- survival of the fittest. You think I have never spent a night drinking until 5AM to see which guy calls it quits? One down, three to go. My odds just increased greatly. It's funny to watch, as an outsider. On the inside, terrible, constant pressure.
-Okay, what to say now, what do I drink?
-Am I drunk?
-Is she drunk?
-Did that one just rub her thighs and wink at me?
-Oh shit I can see her titty right through that shirt!
-I just saw Justin yawn- he must be close
-Damnit Larry stop talking to her, that was the one I wanted!
-Johnny is way too drunk to get laid, that narrows it down.
Funny internal dialogues, let me tell you. If only we could get a microphone inside the male brain for these interactions, it would be priceless. Luckily, being a male, I can get you there. And ladies, I'm sure you see it, and laugh amongst yourselves the next day. Especially when you aren't interested at all and just staying up because you're drunk and love leading guys on.
-OMG Becky did you see the one that kept passing out but waking up and trying to cuddle with me? AS IF!
- TOTALLY! I kinda wanted Billy but he got too drunk and went home to masturbate, it's a shame.
And I'm sure other things related to that are also said. But the point is, we have two very different schools of thought here. That last situation applies normally when there are less females than there are men, which does tend to twindle as the night goes on. If there are even numbers, or even more, it is occasional that dibs might be called, and males will incessantly egg others on, and give pounds (dap) behind women's backs each time something good happens, or is going to happen. It's just the way we are. And I guess it's just the way you are.
But honestly, can you chill with the unnecessary cockblocking? It is the reason we men hate going alone to hang out with a group of you, when we are only interested in one. It is the reason we always try to even things out of the group environment is necessary, and it's also the reason we love to hang out one on one.
The idea is, men love to play wingman. We will go out of our way, just to help out a friend. We will take a bullet (see, paper bag, butter face, chunky monkey) in order to make you happy. Cause in the end, we know we will wind up calling on you, for the same thing, at a later date. And if you happen to say no, we will kindly remind you of waking up in sheer terror at the sight of that thing next to us with makeup removed and hair extensions taken out.
Women on the other hand, don't always believe in taking a bullet. Why? Because you are all inherently bitchy and hate to think that you had to "settle". TRUE
posted by official dynasty at
9:00 PM
5 Comments:
Ok, ok. Now as a woman I can say this is sooo not true. I mean it happens but I think I'm a great "wing woman". I've been told by many in fact. Now my duties are different sometimes as wing woman. I get the scary guys away, I get the ladies drinks if needed, I talk to the "unwanted" friend so my friend can wander off with whomever. It's all planned. I expect this from my ladies as well and though they sometimes need coaching they are progressing nicely, I must say.
The thing is girls are always look to "take care" of someone. So if you are out and some sketchy guy is lurking you have to look out for her...see "we're lesbians or I have a boyfriend". I've made up entire stories about my "boyfriend" just to keep some weirdo from following me around all night. Girls are built to say no...guys are built to say yes.
But if its innocent fun with a non-creepy guy I'm all for it. But lets be honest here we are trying to pretect our sweet drunk friend. My friends have "saved" me and I've saved them...its part of the code.
guys dont save eachother. we make fun of the guy who got stuck with the ugly the next morning. normally we have nicknames.
dude.. whoever wrote this is a genius, i admire u soo much.. especially the last line where you point out the fact that us guys are forced to settle but for girls thats not even an thought lingering in their minds.. thats why girls always get the guys way out of their leagues.. because its soooo easy for them, all they have to do is make themselves look extremely available and the guy says why the hell not, its such easy ass, might as well
haha
dear anonymous
i obviously wrote it, this is my blogpage
derrr?
Your site is on top of my favourites - Great work I like it.
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