more locker room antics

There are reasons I do not go to the gym in the morning before work. One, I love sleep. Two, I stay up too late to get enough to sleep to wake up early enough (got me?). Three, too many naked men there early in the morning. Four, showering and shaving there feels like some awkward fraternity adventure again- though when I pledged we didn't have to trounce around naked (I dunno about some of you other colleges). So instead, I'm at the gym from 730-9 at night and exhausted by the time I get home and get the evening started. And I swear, the first time one of these fun boys whips me with a towel as a joke, I'm going to ask him to get dressed so I can beat his ass. Cause beating up a naked guy just seems strange.

I can only imagine the weird flabby breasts that go on in the women's locker room at the gym. But let's talk about what I DO know about- the naked ass men, everywhere. Bending over like it ain't no thang. Excuse me, but I do not apprecite your brown eye, keep it to your damn self! I really do want to conduct a study to see at what age men decide, FUCK IT! I'll show my ass anywhere, anytime. No need to be shameful of my genitals anymore, strangers can glance as I powder up the goods for the rest of the day (barf, barf, and ralph). What the fuck is it with these men? Is it not nearly homoerotic, is this not like a gay bath house in the city years ago, less all the actual anal action? The worst part is that the locker room is tiny, there isn't much room to get around a naked man if he is standing in your way and you need to get to a locker. I have been known to leave and workout an extra 20 minutes, dead tired, just so that I won't have to face the possibility of brushing up against something and having to burn my clothing after.

So the other day, I'm getting ready to head out there, changing into my shorts and whatnot. This guy, couldn't have been more than 40, comes in and begins to change too. Right friggin next to me. No big deal, it didn't look like he was getting naked..... oh, shit, look to the right, he's unveiling the package. Son of a... wait, what the hell is he doing? He grabs for something I haven't seen since 9th grade baseball- a JOCK STRAP? Wait a second, this gym doesn't even have raquetball courts- what the fuck is this guy doing?
Yes, he took off his underwear and put on a jock strap, and went to work. I'm thinking, this guy either got some shitty advice, has dropped a dumbell on his sack somehow in his day, or he just likes the comfort and support it provides the whole pelvic region. That or he lives the feeling of it up his ass. Granted, I haven't worn one in many many many many years, so I could be off... but I thought they were, on average, worn built into a pair of briefs or over underwear, something like that. No, this guy had the thong version, nothing else. Like a horrible car accident, I looked away long enough to miss the gruesome part, but I was really wondering what kind of jock sensitive exercise this man was doing! Maybe the jumping jacks really got to him?

So I went upstairs and along with my business, almost forgetting this guy existed. Well, he eventually came upstairs too. And went straight for... the... treadmill. That's it. He ran on the treadmill for like a half hour, and left. No teste endangering, nothing. It had me baffled. I just hope his wife doesn't have to plug his ass at night instead of the other way around.