Interesting topic- pubic hair

Folks, believe it or not, I watch pornography. I know, I know. Shocking. In fact, I will give you a three line break to wipe the tears away and manually close your gaping mouth.



Time is up. Hope you're feeling okay. If you popped some pills to relax the surge of anxiety/depression, I feel you. Anyway, when you watch pornography, you get to see a lot of pubic hair. In all sorts of shapes and sizes and colors and ... breeds? I saw a heart shaved one once, that was rather cute, and also strange. Like how much time did it take to get that perfect? Did you even do it yourself? I can't imagine staring down there, sitting in the shower, you would get a good angle on the whole thing. Maybe it took some mirrors, what do I know? But that was hot. God I hate Paris Hilton. By the way, why does every man in the world want to sleep with her? Okay, she is tall, blonde, and attractive. Great, did you see how she has sex? I think I fell asleep twice. All I remember is glowing eyes and her being dumb. I guess it's true what they say- boys like blondes, men like brunettes. The guy behind her should have been reading a magazine or doing bicep curls, I would have been bored!

I'm straying from the subject, nothing new for me of course.

So let's review. In the past, big fat bushes were all the rage. Why? I'm not sure, maybe it matched the big hair. But gross. I'm sure we all, both men and women, have at one point in our lives been stuck going down on someone who decided a little extra time in the shower just wasn't worth keeping your partner from choking. Poor move. Not only will it cause oral time to decrease SIGNIFICANTLY, it will probably provide rashes should you decide to move onto anything else. Or like Larry David, you will have a pube stuck in your throat for an entire day and have no way to get it out. And if you do, are you going to show people what was choking you up? Ew. Why people still do not at least trim down there, I have no idea. Especially women, who are so so so so always self conscious. Guess what? Pubes came about through evolution to trap our pheremones, thereby promoting sex. Okay people, pheremones died back with the invention of soap, perfume, anything that was made to hide the scent. And no, nobody likes those smells anymore. Okay, some weirdos out there do, but I would have to speak for the general public when I say, we all like our partners to be or at least appear freshly showered if our tongues are going to do any invading. Men I can understand, we are lazy and always expect a little head no matter what. But the women still puzzle me. Puzzle me like the whole everyone feeling okay walking around naked at the gym. Something on that level.

To be fully shaved, I have addressed before. Why is everyone into it? Well women should like it because it allows for better genital contact. Assuming we aren't rubbing your stubble the wrong way, there should be no problems. Men should like it because she will actually attempt to go all the way down your pathetic shaft, instead of stopping three inches up because your curly q is poking her eye out. But mostly I would have to say it is our sick fantasy, along the lines of the whole school girl thing- young and submissive. Couple it with pigtails and men are beyond content. I can't say I prefer the bald approach the most. It might give off the wrong signal as well. Such as, "hey I was expecting to get laid tonight". This applies to both sexes and can cause some woes unless you are both plenty drunk.

Now to my favorite. I appropriately call it the landing strip, though depending how you look at it, it could be seen as backwards. The way I see it, it is the only way for the hand to get down there, as I would hope you have to do some rubbing before you get to the tonguing. And assuming the security guards are both asleep (you should know what the hell I mean, those fucking hands that just slap and slap and pull away, evil ass security guards) you should always have clearance to land. A landing strip would just be weird on a guy. Very, very weird. I guess a happy trail could somehow be trimmed into this but, WHY, why would you do that? I think it looks way more sexy than the "look I'm either 12 or a chihuahua" bald type. It's like a tease, and shows that you care enough to make it look sexy for us as well. That's hot ladies, that is H O T. Take note. I am here to change the way we all view our pubic hair.

The bottom line, if we all like, want, appreciate oral sex, we should give something back to our partners. And that is the removal of unsightly, smelly, curly, creepy, scratchy pubic hair. Because there is nothing worse than getting psyched up for a round of oral, only to have to dig between the bushes to find anything worth eating. Know what I mean?

I bet you all want to know what Dane does. Dane, do you shave your balls? Dane, do you trim all the time?

Jesus Christ you fucking perverts, my Dad could be reading this!