An adventure in Taco Bell
As my friend calls it, a magical land that is a melting pot of society
Some shit like that. Taco Bell is amazing. Not so much for the food, but definitely the atmosphere. You always know what you are getting into- normally a sloppy mess with fire sauce all over the place and creepy people to stare at when they aren't staring at you. But it seemed like a good idea for the hangover, so I went along. First there was a little sign that said no credit or debit cards. Only one of us had cash, we had to make it cheap. The woman taking our order was named Mangina, or something close enough that you could call her that and she would answer. She gave us an EIGHT cent discount as well, she must have wanted to sleep with my friend. While Adam and I are waiting to get our food, Bob already has his, and goes and finds a seat. This was a completely empty Taco Bell, so every seat was open. He sits in the corner by the window. He had one of those crunch wrap supremes. It wasn't crunchy, didn't look like it was good to go. I was not impressed. Some creepy old woman, who only ordered a soda, proceeds to go and sit at the table directly next to us.
And so it begins. The whole place was EMPTY, and she didn't even order any food. Maybe she wanted to bang, maybe she wanted to strangle us- who knows. They didn't have any wild Mountain Dew product, I had to get Cherry Pepsi. Some Fire sauce and off we went to the wonderful land of indigestion. So we're eating and a hot mom walks in with her thirteen children. Ya know what that means! Besides needing a new transmission, that is. We had to look, she was covered in spandex. Nothing weird about that, just us being boys. Then we started talking loudly about lastnight and how drunk we were. Creepy bag woman stared now and then but didn't interject in our conversation- and if we didn't scare her away with what we were saying, she must have been through a lot in life. Probably an old cranky woman with nine cats and no television.
There is a legend at that Taco Bell. Weird old guy that apparently always sits in the same spot and stares people down. He wasn't there... yet. We're talking and people watching and playing the game "How many would it take?" which, by the way, is a fantastic game. We're also giggling to ourselves because of this creepy woman and our half remembered night of boozing. Just then, weird old man comes in. Adam is excited and looks like he is about to start a standing ovation, but instead he and his roomate just laugh and high five eachother because he finally showed up. Then I hear a weird cackle coming from a different table, a close table. Schizo lady decided us laughing was funny, I'm not sure why or how, and she begins to laugh. That only makes us laugh harder, but the laugh where you try to hold it in and look to the side but it hurts so you just have to burst, completely obvious we are, in turn, laughing at her laughing at us. No words from her, I wouldn't dare turn because she was either going to stab me in the neck or show me her four teeth in a dirty smile. Adam literally shoves the rest of his last taco in his mouth and we get out of there faster than the tacos are about to get out of us.
But of course, we had to refill the sodas first.
Ah, Taco Bell. You are the haven of the ugliest, weirdest, hungriest people alive. Without you, I'm not sure where I would be today. Entertaining? You better believe it. Creepy? That's half the allure. Satisfying? Until you get home and fight over the toilet.
ALWAYS AN ADVENTURE.
Some shit like that. Taco Bell is amazing. Not so much for the food, but definitely the atmosphere. You always know what you are getting into- normally a sloppy mess with fire sauce all over the place and creepy people to stare at when they aren't staring at you. But it seemed like a good idea for the hangover, so I went along. First there was a little sign that said no credit or debit cards. Only one of us had cash, we had to make it cheap. The woman taking our order was named Mangina, or something close enough that you could call her that and she would answer. She gave us an EIGHT cent discount as well, she must have wanted to sleep with my friend. While Adam and I are waiting to get our food, Bob already has his, and goes and finds a seat. This was a completely empty Taco Bell, so every seat was open. He sits in the corner by the window. He had one of those crunch wrap supremes. It wasn't crunchy, didn't look like it was good to go. I was not impressed. Some creepy old woman, who only ordered a soda, proceeds to go and sit at the table directly next to us.
And so it begins. The whole place was EMPTY, and she didn't even order any food. Maybe she wanted to bang, maybe she wanted to strangle us- who knows. They didn't have any wild Mountain Dew product, I had to get Cherry Pepsi. Some Fire sauce and off we went to the wonderful land of indigestion. So we're eating and a hot mom walks in with her thirteen children. Ya know what that means! Besides needing a new transmission, that is. We had to look, she was covered in spandex. Nothing weird about that, just us being boys. Then we started talking loudly about lastnight and how drunk we were. Creepy bag woman stared now and then but didn't interject in our conversation- and if we didn't scare her away with what we were saying, she must have been through a lot in life. Probably an old cranky woman with nine cats and no television.
There is a legend at that Taco Bell. Weird old guy that apparently always sits in the same spot and stares people down. He wasn't there... yet. We're talking and people watching and playing the game "How many would it take?" which, by the way, is a fantastic game. We're also giggling to ourselves because of this creepy woman and our half remembered night of boozing. Just then, weird old man comes in. Adam is excited and looks like he is about to start a standing ovation, but instead he and his roomate just laugh and high five eachother because he finally showed up. Then I hear a weird cackle coming from a different table, a close table. Schizo lady decided us laughing was funny, I'm not sure why or how, and she begins to laugh. That only makes us laugh harder, but the laugh where you try to hold it in and look to the side but it hurts so you just have to burst, completely obvious we are, in turn, laughing at her laughing at us. No words from her, I wouldn't dare turn because she was either going to stab me in the neck or show me her four teeth in a dirty smile. Adam literally shoves the rest of his last taco in his mouth and we get out of there faster than the tacos are about to get out of us.
But of course, we had to refill the sodas first.
Ah, Taco Bell. You are the haven of the ugliest, weirdest, hungriest people alive. Without you, I'm not sure where I would be today. Entertaining? You better believe it. Creepy? That's half the allure. Satisfying? Until you get home and fight over the toilet.
ALWAYS AN ADVENTURE.
posted by official dynasty at
12:50 PM
2 Comments:
taco bell. where do i start? you go there, excited to eat a yummy fucking taco, go home and realize your body is rejecting it like a bad blood transfusion. EVERYTIME!!! i swear to god they put crack in their hamburg. think about it... no matter how many hours you spend on the toilet afterwards, a day or two goes by and you want more! it's crazy. that blog was hilarious, though.
That sounds just too funny, kind of reminds me of times we've had at random resturaunts. I love the part about the schizo old lady and her laughing at you. That's classic, and yes there's always some creepy old guy at a resturaunt. I think it's impossible to go to a fast food place and not see someone like that. Strange people always make a night more fun. Anyways, figured I'd leave a comment cause I read this entry.
Later,
Tara
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home