what is TRENDY, anyway?
That whole popped collar tough guy at Fenway has had me thinking- my fucking God being trendy is lame. Especially when the collar poppage was cool like two years ago- now if you remember, I am the one who said I hop onto these fading trends, or better yet.. dead trends, but only because I think it's way cooler after the fact. Popped collars never were cool, never will be cool, and should be reserved for boys and girls taking glamour shots, period. So while we're here, let's check out a few more trends and wonder..... what the hell are we thinking?
#1- Pink shirts for boys.
This one pretty much took off and soon every guy was either buying a pink shirt or his girlfriend was buying it for him. What the fuck kinda trend is this? Ya know what, while we're at it, let's make gay sex trendy. Yep, that's the new hottest thing. So fellas, go out and suck some cock because it makes you look like more of a man. Hey, if you are comfortable wearing pink shirts, you might as well hop into the booty shorts with writing on the back as well. It's a natural progression. And while you're at it, throw on some lip gloss (sparkly I hope) and start wearing a bra. Don't want those marvelous man titties to wind up sagging at an early age. And guess what buddy, you CAN get away with it- because you are just so so comfortable with your sexuality, that pink, just doesn't stink. And lastly, why not just find a way to ovulate? Seriously brah, getting your period would make you the S H I T! Boys who wear pink wear their collars popped, obviously.
#2- Fucking blowouts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, you stupid fucking Gotti boys. Thank you for being the dumbest sacks of shit I have probably ever heard speak, born into a lucky lucky family. Take away their fame and fortune and you have some jackass wanna-bes from Jersey. But no, instead, they have to be famous, and girls have to look past the fact they are braindead and scumbags and want to sleep with them- all- at once. Good thing you have three holes. And now, everyone wants their hair. Their disgusting, bottle of gel infested crazy spike fest. And everyone needs to get it. It's not just an Italian thing my friends. I'm sure you've seen the link for douchebaggery- it definitely involves a group of kids who are completely void of anything unique and appear to line up one by one at the local barber to get their hot haircut- guess what guys- you aren't rich or fucking famous, in fact you're ugly. And the wild hair will only draw more attention to your ugly mug, now you don't want that? Imagine how that shit looks in the morning, nevermind the fact that you stick to your pillow. Girls who think guys with blowouts are hot, are also into bukakke and will trade you herpes for syphillis. Fair enough I guess.
#3- Back to the ass phrases
I miss the days when all women would tie sweatshirts around their waists. Yep, I like them to leave it as a huge surprise whether the ass is fantastic or fucking huge. Because as we all know, women with huge asses are always great golfers. Though you don't see it as much, now that it is summer, except a huge resurgence of the ass ads. You think I wouldn't have a huge problem with it, because I love a nice butt- but hear me out. First, it draws way, way too much attention to your rump. Don't get me wrong, some women work really really hard on perfecting their body and should have a reason to show it off. But then again, those same women should realize it is going to get recognized- drawing that attention to it will only bring more negative attention. And the other problem is that there are a lot of not so nice asses, that should be tying the sweatshirts around to hide the jiggle, but no. Since it is cool to go buy a 50 dollar pair of shorts that says JUICY on it, you will. Why? Because you obviously love attention. But there's a problem. I can't help but read what you have on your ass. Like a t-shirt, I need to know if you are a fucking moron, or have some style and bought something witty that no one else has. So I am compelled to look at your rear. And if it is terrible, I promise you, I will not scream out the car window that you have a nice butt. So c'mon ladies, if you want us to know you're a dirty little slut, there's a better way than wearing that phrase across your ass. I'm not exactly sure what, but I will think of something. You hold tight.
#4- related, and still annoying. Lame t-shirts
It all started with a few funny phrases that left everyone dying. Since then, every company in the entire world has tried to jump on the bandwagon. The thing is, there are a few that still keep it real, still make fresh t-shirts that I will giggle at. The unfortunate thing is that they are few and far between, and there is a time and place for such things. For example, my friend used to wear to the gym a shirt that said "I heart Hot Moms". Okay, well, we all do. But my gym did not have hot moms. No, no, especially not the hours I would go. It had old wrinkly women or jailbait or fatties. Plain and simple. No hot moms. And suppose he was trying to be slick and pick up a hottie at the gym. What a great conversations starter-
"hey, you're hot. read my shirt"
"oh, how cute, when was your 13th birthday?"
Let's get serious.
Other terrible examples include anything that involves the phrase "Boy Crazy" or anything like it. "I'm single" also tops the charts, who fucking cares. If some guy was too intimidated to come talk to you, but will because your shirt advertises you are searching for penis, he probably is QUITE the keeper, let me tell you. One shirt I saw, I know I have discussed, I need to bring it back. "Tanning is better than boys" WOW. I love it. First off, why would said girl go tanning so much? That's right, to look more aesthetically pleasing in her mind which would in turn attract more of the potential suitors she is looking for- am I right? So the fact that one is due mostly in part to wanting the other makes it all just a fucking dumb shirt that advertises wrinkles at age 25. I'm going to make a shirt that says "Smoking Cigarettes is better than breathing" and "Anal sex is better than walking straight". I bet they will sell like Johnnycakes.
I am going to stop here, there will be a part two later. I know some of you have attention deficit disorders and can only read for like fifteen minutes at a time before going nuts and tearing out some hair. Plus I know some of you are going to bring up some great fucking trends for me to attack.
#1- Pink shirts for boys.
This one pretty much took off and soon every guy was either buying a pink shirt or his girlfriend was buying it for him. What the fuck kinda trend is this? Ya know what, while we're at it, let's make gay sex trendy. Yep, that's the new hottest thing. So fellas, go out and suck some cock because it makes you look like more of a man. Hey, if you are comfortable wearing pink shirts, you might as well hop into the booty shorts with writing on the back as well. It's a natural progression. And while you're at it, throw on some lip gloss (sparkly I hope) and start wearing a bra. Don't want those marvelous man titties to wind up sagging at an early age. And guess what buddy, you CAN get away with it- because you are just so so comfortable with your sexuality, that pink, just doesn't stink. And lastly, why not just find a way to ovulate? Seriously brah, getting your period would make you the S H I T! Boys who wear pink wear their collars popped, obviously.
#2- Fucking blowouts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, you stupid fucking Gotti boys. Thank you for being the dumbest sacks of shit I have probably ever heard speak, born into a lucky lucky family. Take away their fame and fortune and you have some jackass wanna-bes from Jersey. But no, instead, they have to be famous, and girls have to look past the fact they are braindead and scumbags and want to sleep with them- all- at once. Good thing you have three holes. And now, everyone wants their hair. Their disgusting, bottle of gel infested crazy spike fest. And everyone needs to get it. It's not just an Italian thing my friends. I'm sure you've seen the link for douchebaggery- it definitely involves a group of kids who are completely void of anything unique and appear to line up one by one at the local barber to get their hot haircut- guess what guys- you aren't rich or fucking famous, in fact you're ugly. And the wild hair will only draw more attention to your ugly mug, now you don't want that? Imagine how that shit looks in the morning, nevermind the fact that you stick to your pillow. Girls who think guys with blowouts are hot, are also into bukakke and will trade you herpes for syphillis. Fair enough I guess.
#3- Back to the ass phrases
I miss the days when all women would tie sweatshirts around their waists. Yep, I like them to leave it as a huge surprise whether the ass is fantastic or fucking huge. Because as we all know, women with huge asses are always great golfers. Though you don't see it as much, now that it is summer, except a huge resurgence of the ass ads. You think I wouldn't have a huge problem with it, because I love a nice butt- but hear me out. First, it draws way, way too much attention to your rump. Don't get me wrong, some women work really really hard on perfecting their body and should have a reason to show it off. But then again, those same women should realize it is going to get recognized- drawing that attention to it will only bring more negative attention. And the other problem is that there are a lot of not so nice asses, that should be tying the sweatshirts around to hide the jiggle, but no. Since it is cool to go buy a 50 dollar pair of shorts that says JUICY on it, you will. Why? Because you obviously love attention. But there's a problem. I can't help but read what you have on your ass. Like a t-shirt, I need to know if you are a fucking moron, or have some style and bought something witty that no one else has. So I am compelled to look at your rear. And if it is terrible, I promise you, I will not scream out the car window that you have a nice butt. So c'mon ladies, if you want us to know you're a dirty little slut, there's a better way than wearing that phrase across your ass. I'm not exactly sure what, but I will think of something. You hold tight.
#4- related, and still annoying. Lame t-shirts
It all started with a few funny phrases that left everyone dying. Since then, every company in the entire world has tried to jump on the bandwagon. The thing is, there are a few that still keep it real, still make fresh t-shirts that I will giggle at. The unfortunate thing is that they are few and far between, and there is a time and place for such things. For example, my friend used to wear to the gym a shirt that said "I heart Hot Moms". Okay, well, we all do. But my gym did not have hot moms. No, no, especially not the hours I would go. It had old wrinkly women or jailbait or fatties. Plain and simple. No hot moms. And suppose he was trying to be slick and pick up a hottie at the gym. What a great conversations starter-
"hey, you're hot. read my shirt"
"oh, how cute, when was your 13th birthday?"
Let's get serious.
Other terrible examples include anything that involves the phrase "Boy Crazy" or anything like it. "I'm single" also tops the charts, who fucking cares. If some guy was too intimidated to come talk to you, but will because your shirt advertises you are searching for penis, he probably is QUITE the keeper, let me tell you. One shirt I saw, I know I have discussed, I need to bring it back. "Tanning is better than boys" WOW. I love it. First off, why would said girl go tanning so much? That's right, to look more aesthetically pleasing in her mind which would in turn attract more of the potential suitors she is looking for- am I right? So the fact that one is due mostly in part to wanting the other makes it all just a fucking dumb shirt that advertises wrinkles at age 25. I'm going to make a shirt that says "Smoking Cigarettes is better than breathing" and "Anal sex is better than walking straight". I bet they will sell like Johnnycakes.
I am going to stop here, there will be a part two later. I know some of you have attention deficit disorders and can only read for like fifteen minutes at a time before going nuts and tearing out some hair. Plus I know some of you are going to bring up some great fucking trends for me to attack.
posted by official dynasty at
10:11 AM
4 Comments:
I can't wait to see what you have to write about next blog. Very Interesting, and thanks for bringing up the Popped Collar. Hello 80's, and tennis.
Much love
Jax
how bout the pink cell phone trend? or the mens "pants" that fall to their ankles? or the sunglasses that are too big for the face??
All the trends you've named are all pretty much dumb. The Gotti style hair is ridiculously ugly and for all the guido guys who think it's hot and the italian thing to do are braindead. In Italy the Gotti hair style doesn't exist and good thing for that. A trend that I don't understand though is girls wearing HUGE sunglasses. When did wearing sunglasses that are bigger than you dome piece become cool? Either girls enjoy the bug look or they bought there own beer googles. I just don't know.
big furry ugg boots. with the furry ball tassles. 'nuff said.
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