I blame technology!

Unfortunately, there is a fad I was hoping would die quickly. Or, at least, be used sparingly and only when necessary. I was dead wrong.

Ever since this whole bluetooth thing came about, people everywhere have the need to try and look cool by wearing it, everywhere. Just one problem with that: you look like a fucking idiot, and people that don't see it think for a while you are giggling and talking to yourself, not a great first impression.

Bluetooth headsets have one use and one use only: talking while driving. There are few other times you would need to use both hands and focus on something while talking. Of course there is a pass for phone sex, I can see the need for a headset there. But that isn't in public. And if someone is talking you through making an origami crane, I might let it slide. But here's an example that doesn't make you cool.

I was in Circuit City a few weeks ago and saw a couple of fat 30 something dudes walking around together, trying to be studs. Two problems with that. They had bluetooth headsets in, just walking around shopping, probably trying to call the hot babe they met the night before at the bar! Did I mention they were fatties too? So not only were their belts bursting below their behemoth guts, they also had their flashy phones conveniently mounted somewhere by their FUPAs. This is a case where these guys may have actually been talking to themselves. Even the fake self esteem wasn't coming off well. I don't even work at the store and I wanted to strangle these two. On their stupid phones in line? That's going too far. If you go somewhere with a friend, doesn't that eliminate the need to desperately find someone to talk to, so you can try and show off your firm grasp of new technology? And talk about being rude, who the fuck gave you permission to have a conversation while trying to check out? Not only are you holding up the line (see: Me, behind you, getting pissed) you are confusing the clerk and she wants to stab your eyes out because she has asked you three times to swipe your fucking credit card again and you can't hear her because you must be wheelin and dealin on the side conversation. Probably maxed your little platinum bitch out spending $500 on everything new and hot. LOSER.

Something else that didn't make sense. Someone not as trendy was using a hands free while having lunch. I'm talking the original hands free, the long wire with the earpiece. Now that's keepin it real. Using that while eating, that's normally fair and all, don't want the phone greasy, need one hand to eat and one to drink and/or write down important notes. But she was done eating, and was reading a newspaper, and doodling. In other words, there was no reason for her to need to have her hands free. None at all. And yet, she continued on. And it did take me a few minutes to realize what she was up to. Then I thought maybe she worked for the FBI and was after me for... well, maybe that will be in another blog.

I guess my point is:
You look dumb, and the person on the other line can barely hear you. All you can hear is wind or background noise. If you aren't driving, or you clearly have at least one hand free, hold your damn phone. You won't get less pussy/dick that way, I promise. And! your battery will last longer. So you can make more calls to people that hate you anyway.