The m00n rul3z

This whole "BOMB" scare, made the city look like one big, fat, stanky, gaping vagina. Yep, it's true. We have our fearless Mayor Menino, looking like god damn Napoleon- flexing his little muscles against the big bad Turner Broadcasting, which by the way owns just about everything in the world. Right now, Ted Turner is getting a massage by 19 Chinese supermodels, while smoking the most expensive Cuban cigar ever, that he lit with thousand dollar bills, wondering if he should rename Faneuil Hall after himself, or the Common. He doesn't give a fuck, and he shouldn't have to.

9 OTHER BIG CITIES HAD EXACTLY THIS DONE TO THEM. But nobody hears about it until someone in Boston got nervous and then, kabloom. Let me just say, these things had been planted for nearly 3 weeks, thank fucking GOD they weren't bombs. Good job on the anti-terrorism! Since when was anyone afraid of Lite Brite anyway? And it just goes to show you, more people should watch cartoons. If one saavy police officer had known about Aqua Teen Hunger Force, all this traffic snarling, river shutting down, campus closing bullshit would have ended with a big giggle and an explanation that it was just a Mooninite, and that the Moon Rulez and he loves giving the finger and smoking butts. Then the tiny mayor with a loud voice could have saved his ridiculous comments he will be forever remembered for. Revoke Turner's license to BROADCAST? ARE YOU JOKING? TNT, TBS, CNN, and Cartoon Network- at least one person in EVERY household with cable (Or Satellite- shout out to DirectTV) watches one, two, maybe all of these channels. People say drastic, ridiculous things at times of stress, this was a little overboard. Settle down big guy, or Ted will buy this city.

Why didn't New York give a damn? They shut down one street for like 3 minutes. If that's the worst thing going on in New York, the Cops are throwing a god damn keg party. Why didn't Seattle care? The same reason it is easy to be a weatherman there- it fucking sucks!
-And now to Ken with the weather, Ken?
--Thank you Sue. Tonight, there will be rain. Tomorrow morning, cloudy, chance of rain. And tomorrow night, more rain, at times heavy. Chance of sunshine on Saturday...... PSYCH!!! OOOHH, gotcha bitches!
-Oh Ken, you make my panties wet!

People in Seattle are already fucking miserable. They have potentially the most pathetic mascot in football. Even a dolphin wearing a helmet is cooler, and that's the only animal that is wearing one! A Seahawk? Ooooh, scary. Please don't glide over the Pacific picking up small defenseless fish. What a badass. People in Seattle were hoping they were bombs; they were running up and grabbing and eating the little plastic pegs and waiting for a KABOOOOOOOOOOM. Instead they had indigestion and glowing bowel movements.

Boston, don't get me wrong. I moved here because you rock. I love everything about you, but now everyone in the fucking country is laughing. Did you see the two guys who were arrested for posting these signs? LAUGHING IN COURT! WHO LAUGHS IN COURT? Yes, I found one of the guys on Myspace, and I added him, because I love his 15 minutes of fame and I wish I had the same damn thing, for promoting a TV show that is so misunderstood, and so fantastic. And you better believe come March, should the movie come out on time- I will take the day off work to go see the cinematic genius.

Next thing you know people in Boston will be calling 911 on those Obey Giant posters, saying that they saw the eyes move and that it smells like anthrax. Seriously.... LIGHTEN UP!