Yea, I wrote this on Thanksgiving

Hey normally I hate conspiracies... unless they are delicious. In this case, it is most definitely delicious. But is there a bigger meaning behind all of this....

So everyone knows that breakfast is amazing. It is the most versatile of the three most common meals. You can literally eat breakfast, any time of day, and it isn't weird. This is why places like IHOP and Denny's are all the craze amongst those crazy hungover teens. No one will ever shun you for eating eggs and toast, whether it's midnight, or noon. On the other hand, try ordering a pizza at 9AM, and check out the reactions you will get. Ever notice that most sub/sandwich/pizza places do not even OPEN until lunch time? There is a reason behind this. They don't want to start riots and other civil unrest. But breakfast places? 24 hours NO problem.

Now comes Thanksgiving. Probably the best holiday of the year. Screw presents, I want some damn food! And by some, I mean too much. Pile on a second plate even though I am full, who cares! Variety just means I will eat more, and more, and more. Loosen that belt buckle there boy, it's time for you to turn into a man. What's so great about Thanksgiving? Uhh, everything? Who doesn't love gravy? It's like bacon, it makes everything better. The only thing I ever hear people shitting on is cranberry sauce. Whoa whoa whoa Ms. Lippy. Simma down there. Maybe it's because you aren't having the RIGHT cranberry sauce. It was never meant to come out of a can, with the ridges still visible on the side of the jello-like artificial crapfest. No, cranberry sauce is to be fresh! Mixed in with some orange zest, god damn, gimme another pile. So quit your yappin until you try it the real way, I promise, it will be like losing your virginity all over again (ladies: I do not mean the painful, uncomfortable feelings you had, with the 35 second missionary excursion in you had to overcome... better make it like the first time you had an orgasm?)

Oh, and, FYI- the whole turkey makes you tired is mostly a myth. Yes, there is tryptophan in turkey... but why does no one ever blame the wine? Or the fact you just act 2 pounds of meat, 1pound of veggies, and 3 pounds of everything carbohydrate related? Mix in your crazy grandma asking when you are getting married and having children, follow it up with your weird uncle trying to talk about how good looking your girlfriend is, and don't forget the drunken third cousin of yours watching football and talking about players that haven't been in the league since before you were born. Maybe THOSE things make you tired?

Back to the conspiracy. Notice that the only holiday meals that any place will ever serve, as a treat, is Thanksgiving dinner? You never see Easter dinner, or Veteran's Day dinner. Thanksgiving is the universal of all dinners, and all things delicious. It can be feasted on ANY DAY, and never be strange. In fact, I had a full turkey meal on Monday for lunch without even winking an eye. And yes, I realized that on Thursday I will be knee deep in everything my father and I produce in our kitchen. And it didn't matter. MUCH LIKE- BREAKFAST. To make my point 100% clear- think about what you eat, that Friday morning when you wake up hungover, still full, and you waddle over to the fridge to see what is available. That's right people, you warm up a nice plate of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and hopefully, some real cranberry sauce. And it isn't at all strange. I rest my case.

Is there a conspiracy? Probably. I'll let you decide.